Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
