I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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