she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Its about making memories worth repressing
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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