She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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