I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
