Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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