She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
