I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
