UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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