Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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