I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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