Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
