Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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