i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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