I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
