i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
