Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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