Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
