I am in a vortex of obligation.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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