I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize