Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
