Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize