Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
