I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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