i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
