If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
