I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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