the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I love having hate sex.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
