Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
should my penis look like a turkey
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
