i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You work out of a Hotel?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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