Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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