I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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