She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
