I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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