if you like me you must not know who I am
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
