It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
