He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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