they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
only if we run a train.
done.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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