I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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