why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I wish I only lived at night.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize