Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
40s are totally the cure
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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