she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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