I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Sober January is a disaster.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
