new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
