Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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