Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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