All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
