we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
