i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
