is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
