i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
