Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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