Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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