My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
