I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
