Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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