cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
