I want to make a zoo with you.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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