I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
