Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
