I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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