I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
