Sponge bath it is.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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