So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
