i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
someone owes me an orgasm
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
