And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
