She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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