So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
