I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I will pee on everything he values.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize