She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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