forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
