yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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