Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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