Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
