Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
