yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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