i jhust puked up my retainher.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
