can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
