you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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