Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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