Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
