Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
