walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
