Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
