Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
