Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
