You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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