So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
