You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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