yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
