Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
