Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
