walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
