The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize