Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i think i just lost a toe
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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