peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
we made out on top of his cat.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
