In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
