he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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